No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
