Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
