Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
