i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
