final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
