i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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