A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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