where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
