I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
