Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
