I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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