It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
