McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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