I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
