I just gift wrapped bread.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
