i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
