I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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