Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
