how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
