She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
