I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
