Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
