I wish I could teleport
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Randomize
