I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
