omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
