My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my sisters under your porch take her home
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
