Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
