I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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