dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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