I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
