you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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