Don't make out with my wife yet
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
