rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
