Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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