Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
