I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
