matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
