Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
