You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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