even my farts smell like vagina
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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