so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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