Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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