Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
