we have pet lesbian snakes
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize