I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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