He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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