There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
