I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
