I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
