have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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