Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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