She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
