Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
it's like heaven, but drunker
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
