bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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