life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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