I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
