haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
