Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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