i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
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I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
At least life still wants to fuck me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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