Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
