I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
