The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
