The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
