I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
